Why?

Why do women find it necessary to stay in relationships?

I've come to the point in my life that when the going gets tough... I get going. I also find it important to be in a relationship because I'm tired of being lonely. So where do you draw the line? Being ignored is never a good thing. Most women will agree with me. The guy is thinking, "Oh, I'm too busy to call anyone." And the girl is thinking, "What did I do for him to ignore me all weekend?" The difference is that we include you in our lives from the moment you put a label on us. If we are the girlfriend then we start to act like it, but if we aren't well.. most of us are okay with that too! Is it so hard to give your girlfriend a call and say, "Hey babe, I'm really busy today, but I will call you later tonight! I miss you!" No? I didn't think it was either!

I'm guessing that I just don't understand relationships. If I'm on the outside looking in I can do a really good and the control. Cause it isn't my relationship, but when you've been shat on for so long and you finally have a decent guy it's hard to remove yourself from the situation and realize that he really is the great guy you've been waiting on and he really isn't the dbag that is going to break your heart again... or is he?

How liberating...

In the last year (or so) I've gone from completely in love to broken to weak to liberated to distraught to strong and back to liberated!! 

Over a year ago I had my heart broken and I liberated myself by chopping off over 10 inches of my hair!! Most guys I date like my hair and it was oh-so nice to just chop it all off!! When he left me he broke my heart and and I knew that when she left him again that he would be back. Why I thought that, I don't know!! But after months and months of hanging on to the idea of being back with him... I decided to let go. I spent the better part of the summer just letting myself let him go. And tonight was the night that I let the last little bit of him go! Pictures... all of them are gone!! Gone, gone, gone!! I deleted them all off of my computer. All the cute pictures that I was smiling in, looking up at him with love in my eyes!! All the ones with his adorable smile! The ones that we're looking at one another with "the eyes." They are all GONE!!!!!! I can't express my excitement through a blog... but damn, it feels so good!! 

Thank God for a delete button... and fire!! Cause I would totally be doing 'fire in a trash can' right about now if I didn't have the delete button on my computer!! 

This is my summer and it's about to get interesting! I heard from Aaron (haven't talked to him all summer) and it was okay. I can't do the relationship thing with him cause I just didn't feel a spark, but maybe we can be friends!! Laddertheory.com says that is a death wish for all men... and I don't really care at this point in my life! I'm tired of feeling bad because I don't listen to my heart and listen to my stupid head instead!! Tonight I spent time with Brent, the first time since we stopped dating!! It wasn't bad... possibly a little awkward, but I expected that! He's the person that made me excited about dating again. BUT lately, I just wish I was half a continent away so that I could get to know an old friend a little more!! Instead I'm in Texas (coincidently where he wishes he was) where school starts in 2 weeks. Blegh!!

When the past becomes present...

I honestly do not understand boys....

So there was the horrible break up of last year (around May) when the guy broke up with me to be with his ex...

Then there was the guy who dated me and then told me that if he wanted a girlfriend I would totally be it, but he didn't want one... 

...I honestly can't tell you which felt worse?? Both were pretty hard blows for me!!

So I had a hiatus from dating for awhile... 6 months to be exact...

Then I started dating a guy that I work with. It's a slow process... we are still dating, but we only really talk on the days that we see one another (AT WORK)!! We don't really talk outside of work unless I'm with him. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!

Now, to top things off... I have ex-boyfriends telling me that I did nothing wrong when they broke up with me. (NOTE: This is not the only time this has happened... Had an ex tell me the same stuff last year and all have wanted to date me again.) This information would have been pleasant at the time of the break up. I could have saved a lot of time soul searching. I could have just chalked it up to them and not spent countless hours trying to figure out what I did wrong and when I crossed my boundaries. This information kind of pisses me off. I moved on, I figured out how to deal with it... and now I find out it was all in vain?!? Seriously???? I realize that I'm not going to really change. I'm a hopeless romantic and I love myself being that way. Now I have to just find the right guy that loves being doted on and that loves to dote on me!! It's probably not in my past... but I don't know what is in my future!!